Download Chocolate Chip Cookie Murder (Hannah Swensen Mysteries) djvu

Total garbage. I really don't understand how this author has sold so many books with this same character. It's the most implausible mystery novel I've ever read and that's saying something- because I usually stick with fantasy and science fiction. I'll just give you a few salient points as to why I have such a low opinion of a bestseller:
1. On the jacket, it describes the murder victim with "Hannah's famous Chocolate Chip Crunchies scattered around him, her life can't get any worse" and she's investigating the murder to protect her reputation. Nope- the issue of the scattered cookies comes up once and only once- the discovery of the body. It is never again mentioned, and her reputation is never questioned at any time. She investigates because (ludicrously) her brother in law, a Sherriff deputy ASKS for her to do so. Um....... is that legal?? Last I checked, police do not take kindly to outside interference.
2. Hannah's progression with clues reads like an eighth grader wrote it. So-and-so wears this lipstick, let's ask her what she knows. Oh, she said him-haw drove by last night, let's ask him what he knows. AND so on. Ad nauseum.
3. There is almost no character description other than vague generalities about their clothing ("she wore the blue dress from the window of Beau Monde") other than the main character about whom all I gleaned was that she has red curly hair, is tall, and wears a 9.5 narrow shoe. Not skin color, eye color, body, height, facial expressions NOTHING about anyone else. I assume they're all fit and thin (I'll get to that in a second). No one else merits the slightest description or character development. All of the text is devoted to getting to the next clue (see above). EXCEPT when the author fat-shames a minor informer character by giving her a lengthy description about how no one wants to dance with her because of her size and "a man needed steel toe boots to dance with her," also "at 300 pounds, Hannah and her high school friends had called her "heavy-duty"' Finally, when the author described the outfit, she goes to the trouble of saying Betty's vertical stripes weren't as slenderizing as she supposed and she looked like a circus tent. Bonus- Hannah mentally tells herself to go on a 10lb diet while looking at Betty. Seriously? No one else got any kind of description but "the fat girl", about whom she waxed poetic regarding her perceived flaws. I found this infuriatingly ironic considering the main character OWNS A COOKIE SHOP and everyone is eating cookies throughout the book. How about making Hannah a vegan who owns a salad shop/yoga studio before letting her fat-shame other characters? Give her a self-righteous leg to stand on. Nah, that's too plausible.
4. Was this supposed to be a "fun" read? I feel like I'm reading an eighth grader's attempt at writing a short story that turned into a novel because they couldn't figure out how to use cliffhangers, or plot twists, or reach a climax that ties the book together cohesively. Which is amazing, considering the incredibly linear progression. (See #2) If by "fun" they meant "amateurish, implausible, and immature" then yes, it's a barrel of monkeys.
It does have cookie recipes in it, so that's cool I guess, but then there's always Pinterest for that. Utter waste of $8.

I have a rule that once I start a book, I must finish it. I'm breaking my rule. I simply cannot finish. I am 52 pages in. The writing reminds me of when I'd review my son's middle school homework assignments with a word count requirement. I'm fairly certain the theasurus feature on this author's computer was used heavily. The descriptions are silly. There are descriptions of things that don't need descriptions ("lemons that had been washed until any germs courageous enough to light on their surface had fled in terror"). The main character, Hannah, is quite unlikeable. She tells one character that he's getting a stomach roll. Hannah's mother badgers her with suggestions of men to date - Hannah tells one (a police officer, who gave a speeding ticket to Hannah's mother) something along the lines of "one good thing came out of that ticket - she stopped trying to fix me up with you". A LEO, her brother-in-law, asks her, a common citizen, to assist in a murder investigation. She makes one character, Rhonda, sound tacky, fat, and very old, and goes on to think that Rhonda must be pushing fifty. In half a page she insulted Rhonda's clothing, makeup, hair, and intelligence (Hannah makes a suggestion that if Rhonda tells anyone of their discussion about the murder, the killer may go after her, Rhonda, too). Hannah dumpster dives for evidence and stores it in plastic bags found in the same dumpster. I'm pretty sure chain of custody and integrity of that evidence matters in homicide investigations. I am a Bosch and Reacher reader and was excited to find a new series that had a female character (surprisingly, there are around two dozen books with this character) but it appears my search will have to continue. I know that I will not be able to develop a fondness of such a snarky main character.

3 stars to Joanne Fluke's Candy Cane Murder, a short novella edition for the holidays between books 9 and 10 of the "Hannah Swensen" mystery series. Given this is only 100 pages, and just a teaser in between full-length books, I adjusted my expectations, but it still fell a little short for me. I'll keep reading the series, but nothing really changes in the overall series with this book, so if you skip it, not a huge deal.

Story
Hannah's preparing for Christmas in Lake Eden by volunteering as an elf to help the local department store owner who is playing Santa Claus this season. Unfortunately, he's a bit of a tightwad who rubs some of his employees and the villagers the wrong way. After the mall's Christmas party, Hannah finds him face down on the corner of the street in his Santa suit. It's the tenth body she's found in about two years (yikes, stay away from her!), but still gives her the frights. Is it his new younger wife? Her friendly brother? An angry employee? Or someone else with a grudge? Hannah dives into the investigation behind Mike's back and finds herself right in the middle of mayhem. Of course she survives, but the fun along the way keeps readers in suspense in between her normal shenanigans.

Strengths
By keeping the count of characters smaller, we are treated to more in-depth relationships among Hannah's sisters and boyfriends (yes, she has a few). The plot has subtle humor and it gives readers readers something to noodle over among the villagers we've come to know and love. And there are good recipes!

Suggestions
It was rushed and Hannah didn't even pretend to let the police track the killer. It felt too much like writing a long short story to keep fans entertained rather than release a full-length complex story that would make them wait a few extra months. It took me less than 90 minutes and while I was entertained, it was too basic.

Final Thoughts
If you're just looking to read more about Hannah and don't need a lot of substance in your mystery, then jump on in... but if you want intrigue and complexity and a big ole' candy cane to chew on, don't expect much. Worth the read because Hannah is just a fun character, but go in with your eyes open.